|Celebrating Springfest right: behavioral do’s and don’ts for this weekend’s festivities|
|Friday, 02 May 2008|
I was pondering what I would write an opinion about for the last issue of the 2007-2008 Circuit when I realized something.I realized that today’s distribution date is Friday, May 2. What does this mean? This means that today marks the beginning of Springfest 2008.
Well folks, I’m here to give a nice, hopefully somewhat humorous, Public Service Announcement to the few students (all 21 and older of course) who, I’m sure, gathered together to participate in the traditional Springfest power hour this morning.
For those unaware individuals, power hour is a drinking game. Supplies include beer, beer, lots of beer, shot glasses and a clock or timer of some sort. The game has one simple rule: take a shot of beer every minute for one hour.
For the math illiterate, this means that an individual does 60 shots of beer. Depending on the size of the shot glass, this means that at the end of the hour, an individual will have drank approximately seven and a half beers, or so says the all-knowing and wise Wikipedia.
If you’ve never drank before, you probably can’t comprehend what this really means. However, if you are experienced in the consumption of distilled liquor, you can see where this is going.
Ok, enough with the tutorial. Tutorials are lame. Now I want to share my very short Do/Don’t List for my inebriated readers on this fine day.
This list was compiled from first eye witness accounts of such events, and also purely imagination.
DO remember to stay hydrated folks, a hospital visit will only put a damper on the rest of your weekend.
Please DO remember to hit the inside of the toilet or some random bush with your upchuck reflex. Not only is vomiting on your neighbor quite unacceptable, but if you’re a girl, you just doomed yourself to a la-de for next year.
DO remember the surgeon general’s warning that consumption of alcohol may impair one’s ability to operate machinery. In this case, machinery may include one’s textbook and/or mechanical pencils.
And most importantly, DO remember to never drink and drive. Just listen to Tracy and do the “Watermelon Crawl”.
Before you read this next list, I want to point out one thing. It seems to me that when drunk people are told not to do something, they somehow, inexplicably, wind up doing it anyhow, and they do it big.
However, it might be wise to trust me on these.
DON’T show up to class so plastered that you pass out before roll call and proceed to snore loudly throughout the entire lecture.
DON’T assume that just because everything seems irresistibly humorous to you means that everyone else finds it funny. Trust me, they’re probably laughing at you, not with you.
Lastly, DON’T stumble around campus with a half empty bottle of Jack. No, I’m pretty sure that President Minnis and Lin do not want a shot.
Well, if you read this whole article and didn’t get offended, great. If you read the whole thing and did get offended, I’m sorry.
And if you passed out in the middle, woke up and are just now finishing, please proceed to the nearest bathroom and wash the ink off of your face.
Happy Springfest everyone.
|Last Updated ( Thursday, 01 May 2008 )|
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